For all those on the fence about the Neighborhood Swap, now’s the time to jump in.  I’ll take 4 more people.  4 more will fill up the second group and let everyone participate who wants to.    If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the previous post for all the details.

Neighborhood Swap Sign-Ups

This is it!  The official sign-ups for the neighborhood swap I’ll be hosting in the New Year.  I want to go ahead and get people assigned to their building, so that we can hit the ground running in 2010.  I want to remind everyone that we’re making detailed buildings here, and not wonky, picasso-like ones.  I love those kind of houses for other things, but not for this swap. 

I’ve been working on one of my school blocks today.  It’s not finished, but you can get an idea of what I’m talking about.  I’ve never done a building like this before, so I’m figuring it out as I go along.  This is also the first time I’ve ever done turned edge applique, so there’s a learning curve for that too.  Not that you have to do turned-edge applique, I just figured now was a good time for me to learn it.  The block so far is mostly pieced, with just a touch of applique.  I’m still going to add some embroidery details, and I have to stitch down the applique.  I’m toying with the idea of a bus, but may put that in another block.  I don’t think any of my schools will be the same.  I’m pleased with how it’s come so far, and it was really a lot of fun to experiement with it.

This block isn't finished yet, but I wanted to go ahead and post it 'in progress' so you can have some sort of visual. It'll be a school when it's all done.

Okay, so here’s the basics.  People will be assigned to groups of 9.  Each person will have a building category, and will make 9 blocks that fall into that category.  For example, I’m making schools, so I will make 9 schools.  Each of the 9 schools don’t have to be exactly alike.  They can all be completely different, they just still have to fall into the ’school’ category.  So, each of the 9 people in the group will be making a different neighborhood building, and will receive one block back from each group member, including one of their own blocks.  Each person will end up with 9 different neighborhood buildings to put together into a nice wall hanging sized quilt.  Make sense?  Clear as mud?

So, here’s the specifics:

1.  We will be in groups of 9.  That means that if 10 people want to join, one person won’t be able to.  If there 18 or more people that want to do this, I’ll make a second group.  First come, first serve.  If you want to participate, after you’ve read all these rules, EMAIL me.  summersadie@live.com  Commenting on this post will not sign you up, and will not count as ’first-served’.

2.  When you email me that you want to participate, give me your first and second choices for buildings.  Some of the ideas have been: house, school, post office, church, barn, grocery store, quilt shop, playground…really anything you’d see in a neighborhood.  Choices are also first come, first serve, and I’m only putting one of each per group.  That’s why I need second choices.  Please also email me your contact info….name, address, and if you have a blog. 

3.  I’ve had one suggestion to make the blocks all different sizes, rather than a standard 12.5 inches square.  This is the one point I haven’t decided on yet, and am open to ideas.  Different size blocks would make for an interesting arrangement, but may prove to be really hard to put together.  The jury is still out on this one…

4.  All 9 blocks are due to me by May1, 2010.  They have to be here by May 1st.  That means that you have 4 full months after Christmas to make 9 blocks.  I’ve given that long to encourage lots of detail.  If you get them done quicker, by all means, mail them when they’re done.  I’ll divide them all up and mail them back out the first week of May, or whenever I receive blocks from each group member, whichever is sooner.

5.  When you mail your blocks to me, you need to also enclose return shipping.  A good rule of thumb is that whatever it cost you to send them to me is probably going to be pretty close to what it will cost to send them back to you.  Please include it.  Stamps would probably be the easiest way, but if you want to send it another way, please let me know first and we can work something out.

6.  Have fun and be creative!  We’re looking for lots of detail.  House numbers, mail boxes, 3D effects… The sky’s the limit.  We want everyone to get really neat neighborhoods back.  I’ll be putting up some inspiration pictures after the first of the year, to help those that need ideas.   

7.  You don’t have to put your name on the blocks you  make, but it would be neat to incorporate something personal in your blocks.  Maybe your house number on the building, or your street name on a street sign.  Maybe you want to have your name somehow be in the name of the business.  “Cathy’s quilt shop”, for example.  My schools are going to be ‘Stone Elementary’ because that’s the name of my elementary school. 

8.  If you have absolutely any questions, concerns, comments, please don’t hesitate to email me.  If there’s something I haven’t covered here that you think needs to be addressed, let me know.  THANKS AND HAVE FUN!!!!!

For those that would like a button for your blog, here ya go.  You should be able to copy and paste it.  The background block was made by Katy, thanks Katy!

Christmas Is In The Air

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers regarding my last posting.  Now on to happier things…

The first exciting order of business is that I’ve finally opened my etsy shop!  It’s not fully stocked yet, but you can get an idea of what it will look like.  Although it’s likely to evolve with whatever I’m in to at the moment.   There are several sock monkeys that my Mom has made available, and they’re going pretty quickly.  Check them out, they’d make perfect Christmas presents.  Ollie monkey is one of the guys listed, and he’s all ready for Christmas, too.  He’s the only one made from the original red-heeled socks.  So take a second to go see all his friends.  I seem to recall telling a certain group of people they’d won a certain percentage off of my etsy shop when it opened.  If you’re one of those people and you remember what it was for, please remind me, and I’ll honor it.

Several of you told me you were really interested in the Noah quilt I posted about last week.  The quilt is called ‘Noah and Friends’ and was designed by Kookaburra Cottage over in Australia, who also have lots of other adorable patterns.  Most of the shops that carry it are in Australia and New Zealand, but I talked to several, and I think that as of now, FionaMarie has the best deal.  I still consider it a really expensive pattern, but I haven’t done a BOM before, so I didn’t know what to expect.  The pattern is a couple years old, but there are still some options for it.  You can get just the pattern sent to you every month, you can get the pattern and fabric sent to you monthly, or you can get the entire set of patterns sent all at once.  That latter is the option I’ll go for, because I’d like to use up some scraps and find my own fabric.  FionaMarie will send the entire group of 10 patterns for about $81 USD, that’s including shipping to the US.  That was the cheapest price I could find, and she was very nice in her emails. 

I don’t know if any of you have heard of Uppercase Living, but it’s a neat vinyl design company.  People sell and have parties for UL, like you’d do for Avon or Mary Kay.  I went to a project party a few weeks ago, and this was my project…

The words and the snowflake are vinyl.  When you order stuff, you can pick out of hundreds of different options in all different sizes, pick your own colors, and put them on any flat surface.  I’ve seen people put them on walls, picture frames, candle holders…the options really are limitless.  I thought it was a lot of fun, but had never heard of UL before.  So I just thought I’d share, someone else may really enjoy it too.

Lastly, I’m going to be a little scarce for the rest of the year.  I’ll still be posting the sign-up for the house swap on Monday, so please come back for that.  But after that, I have my in-laws coming into town, my husband’s graduation, and our trip to New York all in the next 3 weeks, so I’ll be busy busy.  I’ll still be able to answer emails and mail etsy purchases up until I leave for New York on the 20th.  But as far as the blog goes, after Monday’s post, and maybe one more if the house swap fills up, I’ll be back after Christmas to tell you all about my trip.  Thanks again for everyone who gave me suggestions on what to do in the Big Apple.  I’m going to try to hit them all.  Happy December!!!!

Infertility: My Story

Infertility.  Wow, what a topic.  This is a post that I’ve sat down to write many times but couldn’t.  Somehow my words didn’t seem good enough.  This is such an emotional topic for so many women, I didn’t think I could do it justice.  I know infertility is a very personal journey, experienced differently by each woman.  I wanted to share with you my story, and the decisions that I’ve recently made.  By no means am I saying that everyone has felt what I’ve felt, or should do what I’m doing.  This is just how I’m being led.  And I realize that I’m just at the beginning of this journey.  Many women have struggled much longer and gone through much darker times.  I know even with  my own experience, I can only begin to imagine what some have felt. 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6-7

The newspapers tell me that fertility is now an epidemic in this country.  I don’t see that.  Since finding out that my husband and I can’t get pregnant, it seems like everyone I know, work with, or see in the grocery store is pregnant.  Every commercial and Hallmark movie is about babies.  Beautiful, glowing pregnant women are coming out of the woodwork.  No, I don’t see an epidemic.  I see me as being the only girl in the world that can’t have a beautiful, bouncing baby of my own.  But let me back up a little…

“Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing.  Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.  In the morning, O Lord, you heard my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.”  Psalm 5:1-3

My husband and I have been talking about having kids since we got married: when we wanted to have them, how many we wanted, and all our hopes and dreams for our future family.  We decided that 2009 was the time.  We were so excited.  I had been on birth control for most of 10+ years, but of course everyone has a story of how ’so and so’ got pregnant just 2 weeks after going off the pill.  The doctor said it didn’t matter.  Fast forward a few months and nothing has happened.  A friend gives me a book to read about fertility, and suggests I go talk to my doctor, so I do.  Doc tells me that I’m just getting myself worked up and that’s nothing wrong, but says she’ll run some labs ‘just in case’.  I get a call a week later telling me I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and that I won’t be able to get pregnant without fertility drugs. 

It took a while for that news to sink in.  I would have to take fertility drugs.  Wow, that’s not at all how I saw this going.  Fertility drugs meant all sorts of scary things to me.  But more than that, I mourned not being able to have kids on my own.  I mean, I’m a woman, that’s what women are supposed to do.  We grow up and have babies.  Why can’t I do that?  I had severe guilt.  I wondered, and sometimes still do, what God is punishing me for.  I know I’ve screwed up a lot in my life, and made a lot of bad decisions.  I wondered which one brought this consequence.  I wondered if I somehow did this to myself at work.  That time I spilled chemo on my hands…that time I should have worn gloves and didn’t, did I do this?  And my goodness, the overwhelming guilt towards my husband.  My sweet, beloved husband who wants kids even more than I do.  Why can’t I do this for him?  I cried myself to sleep so many nights those first couple of weeks.  I begged my husband to please forgive me, and that I was so sorry I couldn’t do this for him.  Wondering if he looked at me any differently.  Guilt that I couldn’t give our parents the grandchildren they wanted so much.   Wondering if it was because God didn’t think I’d be a good parent, or that I didn’t deserve kids.  And there was the anger.  The, “It’s not fair”.  Look at all the women that have babies that don’t even want them, why can’t a couple who wants one so badly not have one?  And I felt ashamed.  I didn’t want anyone to know, especially my family.  I didn’t want anyone to know there was something wrong with me.  And I prayed.  I begged God to allow me to get pregnant.  And I googled.  I googled PCOS and learned everything I could about it…how common and overdiagnosed it is.  I read all about how if I was able to get pregnant, how much higher a chance I had for miscarriage, complications, and stillbirths.  Those first few weeks were such a roller coaster of emotion.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28

Before I started taking the drugs, the doctors wanted to do blood work for a month and see where I stood.  I prayed harder in that month then I’ve ever prayed before.  I was terrified to take fertility drugs.  It seemed like a point of no return.  I was terrified of having multiples.  I was terrified of awful side effects.  And I was terrified of them not working.  So I prayed that God would allow me to get pregnant without them.  That I could conceive all on my own.  And nothing happened.  So the doctors decided to put me on Clomid, a very run-of-the-mill, common ovulation drug.  The one that works for everyone.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him…”  Psalm 37:7a

As a Christian, I had trouble starting to take the Clomid.  I had been praying so hard that God would allow me to be pregnant without fertility aids or procedures.  But I felt that at the core of it, I was really telling God that I wanted Him to allow me to be pregnant now, and that if He didn’t come through this month, I was going to go ahead and take the drugs anyway.  Like I was telling Him I would give Him these 4 weeks, and then I was going above His head.  Like going above His head is even possible.  But it just felt wrong.  I knew that deep down my motivations were wrong.

As a nurse, I had trouble not taking the Clomid.  I mean, why would you not explore every medical avenue you can?  That’s what I do for a living, afterall.  If there’s a drug for it, why would you not take it?  And I was impatient.  I didn’t want to just sit around and do nothing month after month.  I thought the drugs would speed things up. 

As a woman desperate to have a baby, I would explore every possible outlet to make this happen, whatever the cost.

One of the hardest things about this whole process is the build-up and disappointment.  You start the beginning of your cycle so optimistic.  It’s going to work this time.  There’s a plan.  You take these drugs these days, and then you get lab work on these days.  And you wait.  You wait and wait.  You pay attention to every tiny detail and change that your body makes.  Looking for signs.   Then you get to the magic Day 21 and go get blood drawn.  And then you wait for results.  Sure it worked this time.  And then you get the call.  Nothing.  Nothing happened.  You didn’t respond.  And the disappointment is overwhelming.  It’s like you’re starting all over.   

So many months and 2 doctors later, nothing has happened.  Not only have I not gotten pregnant, but my body has had absolutely no response whatsoever to the drugs.   I’m pretty much maxed out on the dose, but my new doctor wants to keep trying.  And, she says I don’t have PCOS, but that I have ‘Non-specific ovarian failure’.

Failure.  That’s not a word I have a lot of experience with.  I’ve really led a pretty charmed life, all things considering, and I haven’t dealt with a lot of failure.  I consider myself a pretty stubborn and driven person.  Anything I’ve really wanted, I just made it happen.  It hasn’t always been easy, but if I wanted something bad enough, I just kept fighting until it happened.  But I can’t fight this.  It’s like an enemy without a face.  It’s something I don’t have control over, and I don’t know what to fight to get where I want.  I have to keep reminding myself that the face doesn’t really matter.  The doctors can call it by whatever name they want, but it still equals the same thing. 

And so I made a decision.  A drastic decision by most people’s standards, including my own.  I’ve decided I’m not going to take any more drugs.  No more fertility aids.  I’m just going to pray, and trust that God will heal my body, whatever the problems are, allow me to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby.  That’s it. 

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”  Jeremiah 29:12

This is one of the hardest things I’ve done before.  Definitely the biggest leap of faith.  It goes against everything I know to just sit and do nothing about a problem.  Do nothing but pray.  My faith hasn’t been tested a lot, and this doesn’t come easy for me.  At all.  I’m not a prayer warrior.  I like to think that I have faith, and believe that God is going to answer all His promises, but I’ve never given the reigns completely over to Him. 

Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, “Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.  If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”  Matthew 21:21

There are some people close to me that know about this situation.  But this is going to be news to most people I know.  And even those that knew the big picture didn’t know the conflict I’ve had about this whole thing, and this decision that I’ve made.  There are a lot of family members that will be finding out all of this for the first time, especially my in-laws.  I’ve been so afraid for them to find out.  Afraid of what they’d think about me not being able to give their son/brother the baby he so desperately wants.  Afraid of being a failure daughter in law.

So why share all of this with all of you?  Because I want God to get 100% of the glory when I deliver the healthy baby that I am believing He’s going to give me.  I don’t want anyone to be able to say it was the drugs or the doctors.  I’ve put this all out there so that He can get all the credit.  This is the hard choice, and I still feel torn in every direction.  Part of me feels like I’m giving up on having a baby.  Another part of me feels like this must be the right thing to do since it is so hard.  And still another, very small part, is relieved.  It’s exhausting keeping this all in.  This whole journey has been so draining.  A small part of me is relieved to have it all on God’s shoulders now.  The ball is in His court.  But I fight with discouragement and doubt on a daily basis.  Hourly, really.   

Did you know that there are 7 women in the Bible who are specifically listed as being barren?  Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Michal, Elizabeth, Samson’s mom, and Rachel.  God gave children to 6 of these 7 women.

“Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised.  Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.”  Genesis 21:1-2

“Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren.  The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.”  Genesis 25:21 

“So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son.  She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”  1 Samuel 1:20

“Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb.  She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.”  Genesis 30:22-23

I know there’s a powerful lesson to be learned by the one woman, Michal, who never had any children.  And I know I have to accept that that may be God’s plan for me.  But I truly feel in my heart of hearts, that my lesson is to be found in the 6.  That I need to cry out to the Lord, trust, and He will hear me, and give me children.  It’s the trust part that’s going to be the hardest.  And it’s going to get increasingly hard the longer it takes.  I just pray that I’m strong enough, that God picked the right person for this.  This is the scariest post I’ve ever written.  It’s definitely all out there now.  I’m scared I’m too weak, and I won’t be able to live up to it.  I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to keep trusting.  I’m afraid people will think I’m crazy.  I’m afraid it’s never going to happen.  But if I’m going to gain this great trust, this is my first step.  My first act of obedience.  I feel led to write this post for a reason that I do not know.  That there’s someone, somewhere out there that needed to read this today.  This is for her.

The Big Boat

For those that had a holiday week this past week, hope it was great.  And I hope you had a great week even if you didn’t have a holiday.  I bet a lot of people are just getting back into town today, ready to get back to the grind tomorrow.  Or recovering from all that Black Friday Christmas shopping over the weekend…

Just looooook at this adorable Noah’s Ark BOM that I came across when I was huntin’ around.  I love it more every time I look at it.  I can’t remember where I found it, but I might have to go back and find it.  I really think it’s calling my name for next year.

Sue Speaks Japanese

I’ve never really been into Sunbonnet Sue.  I mean, I’ve appreciated her, but never really felt the need to make her.  Until of course last week, when I decided to do a Sue block of the month next year.  As I was hunting around online for the pattern book, I came across some fantastic Japanese Sue books….who knew!!!  I wonder if Santa reads my blog…if so, pay attention big man, either of these would be great in my stocking…I’m just sayin’…

I realize that the pictures are kind of small, but if you click on most them, they should open up bigger. 

I love the authentic Japanese Sue in the above picture.

Sue BOM

House Swappers…I will be posting the official sign-up post on December 7th.  Be deciding what kind of building you want to make, they’ll be first come, first serve.  Check out this post for ideas on what to make.  I think there will probably be only room enough for 2 people to make each category, so 2 people to make schools, 2 people for houses, etc.  So you’ll probably want to think of a second choice, just in case.  Remember, we’re doing detailed buildings here, not vague wonky ones.  And each person will be making 9 blocks, and receiving 9 back.  Enough for a really cute wall hanging size.  So check back on the 7th to get all the details and sign-up early to get your category.  The swap won’t officially start until after the first of the year, so you won’t have to do anything for it before the holidays.  I just want to get everyone signed up and in groups so we can start early in January. 

I finally found the BOM I’m going to do next year.  Of course the pattern book is no longer in print, and they’re listed on Amazon up to $100, waaaaay out of my price range.  But, I was fortunate to find one on ebay for a good price.

There are actually 2 different patterns for each month, so you can pick and choose to make your own personal calendar quilt.  Plus, there are several pages of ‘gallery’ that shows different quilts that people have made, along with some custom blocks to give more ideas and inspiration.

I think if you click on the picture, it should open up bigger so you can see the details better.

I’m glad the whole pattern is in the book, so I don’t have to commit to one of those really expensive BOM programs.  I can use my own fabric, and work on it as I want.  I’m really excited to start.  If it wasn’t so hard to get the pattern book, I would see if anyone else wanted to ‘quilt along’.  There’s a lot of new techniques in this pattern…turned-edge applique, 3D effects…that I’ve never done before, so it will definitely be a challenge.  But I’ll learn a lot too.

And here’s a picture of 1 of 3 baby quilts I’ve been working on, for a very exciting purpose.  More on that later…

I haven’t posted much lately, but I really have been busy.  I’ve got 3 other quilt tops made, but of course on the one sunny day to take pictures, they’re over at my mom’s.  Figures.  We had an all night quilting party the other night and they’re still there.  But I have a few exciting things coming down the pike, so stay tuned…

It Was Fantastic

Absolutely fantastic.  I don’t think many of my readers are Twilight fans, so I won’t go into giggly detail, but it was fantastic.  A million times better than the first one.  Have I said it was fantastic?

Tonight’s the Night

I’m going to have to take a nap this afternoon so I can stay up really late tonight.  Why?  Why else?  New Moon comes out tomorrow and these midnight tickets have been burning a hole in my pocket since I bought them 3 weeks ago.  Yes, I will be fighting all those teenagers for good seats tonight.  I’m hoping I’m not the oldest one in the theatre.

Irons in the Fire

I’m thinking that in January I’d like to start a block of the month quilt, where each block represents a different month.  Kind of like that 3D Sunbonnet Sue quilt I showed a couple posts back from the quilt show.  Does anyone know of any quilt patterns like that?

Yesterday I decided to finally bite the bullet and get a new iron.  I didn’t want to drive all the way out to JoAnn’s, so I went to Walmart and Bed Bath and Beyond.  I was underwhelmed at the selection.  I didn’t like any of them, but I really needed one, so I just got the cheapest one they had to tide me over until I find the one I really want.

I got a Shark Versatile for $15.  It’s the one on the left.  The dark blue one on the right is my old one, and I had no idea how small it was until I got the new one home.  The Shark is also much heavier, and has a couple more feet of length on the power cord, which I like.  I didn’t think I was asking too much when I went looking.  I want one that gets really hot, and doesn’t have auto off.  If I have to have auto off, I want something really long, like an hour.  Of all the irons I saw yesterday, every single one had auto off of 8 or 15 minutes.  All the Rowenta’s cut off at 8 minutes.  8 minutes?!  My iron would never be hot when I needed it.  I leave my iron on for hours at a time because I sew some, then iron some, then sew some, and iron some.  I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be to have my iron cut off and then have to wait for it to reheat every time I needed it.  My old one didn’t have auto off at all.  I just unplugged it when I was done.  I understand that it’s a safety feature, but seriously.  Do they make them with long or no auto off anymore? 

The soleplate on the new one is much bigger, which I think I’ll like.  I’ve heard a non-stick soleplate is good, but I’ve never had a problem with stainless steel.  I never use steam so I don’t care about all the steam bells and whistles.  I don’t need all that fancy digital stuff they have now.  I just want it to get really hot and not cut off on me.  Is that too much to ask?

Moving on, I got my red and aqua swap blocks back in the mail yesterday.  I’m excited to get started on them, but I think I need to finish up a few other projects before I dive into these.

AND, look at this fantastic fabric I got in the mail…

It looks a lot like my own work table.  There’s the buttons spread around, the Olfa rotary cutter.  And don’t forget the seam ripper, it’s in there too.  This would be a good “I Spy” picture.  I got this print on etsy at Lucky Kaeru Fabrics.  If you click on the picture it should get bigger, and you can see all the details better.